Single Mom Seeking-Rachel Sarah Q&A - Single Mom, Single Mother, Single Mom Dating, Single Parent Dating, Online Dating, Single Mom Blog

A Conversation with Rachel Sarah

Q: "What's it like to write a memoir as you're living it? In other words, you'd go out on a date with a man and then come home and write about him?"

A: I was forthright with every man I went out with. I would tell him that I was serious about looking for my life partner — I just happened to be writing a book about it.

Q: "How did you break the news to your date that he might be a subject in your book, as if a first date isn't awkward enough?"

A: I'd say, "Look, I have something to tell you--"When he looked panicked, I'd jump in: "No, I don't have anything life-threatening."

Some guys took it all in stride; they were flattered to be one of my subjects. I got teased, of course: "Do you have a tape recorder on in your purse?" And I couldn't help but wonder if — after hearing my confession — some of these guys were on their best behavior.

Q: "How did you meet the men in the book?"

A: Online, and through set-ups — also in the grocery store check-out line (pun intended). My girlfriends would offer to set me up on dates because, they'd say, "You need more material, don't you?" No! I got so burnt out from first dates that I'd have to take a break sometimes.

Q: "Who are your inspirations?"

A: My daughter, Mae, has shown me that I'm not a needy, desperate frumpy female who needs a man to lean on. An avid illustrator, she also asked me if she could, please, draw the pictures for Single Mom Seeking.

My two best friends — both single moms — are true inspirations.

My friend, Siobhan, said: "Don't go back for more where there is only less."

My friend, Arden, told me: "Every girl must have a first date skirt."

Of course, there's also Madonna and Angelina Jolie — who started out as single moms before hooking up with the men of their dreams — but who knows what their relationship status will be on the next cover of People magazine?

Q: "What are the life lessons you've learned by dating?

A: It's not easy crossing over from Mom to Hot Date. A mother is nurturing, soft, and sometimes frumpy. She doesn't wear tight skirts and black boots. She doesn't have one-night stands, or flirt with random men while grocery shopping. She most emphatically does not own a first-date skirt, like I do.

I've never been very good at keeping boundaries with men. Now that I have a daughter, I've learned to set limits to keep her safe and protected. I've learned the hard way that you can't introduce your kid way too early in a relationship; or impulsively invite him over for the night, and then sneak him out the door at daybreak.

Q: "Why did you write Single Mom Seeking?"

A: To be honest, writing was the only thing that kept me sane while mothering and dating in unison… you've got to stay cool under that kind of combustion! But I also wanted to show the world that singles moms like me have a certain freedom and independence. Our lives are not necessarily woeful or lonely. Sure, Single Mom Seeking shows how burnt-out and cranky single parents can be; but it also celebrates our self-determination — not to mention the juicy sex.

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